We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
