I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
