check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
