I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize