i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
