maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
