He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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