I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
