Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
