Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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