I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
