hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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