I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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