I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
