Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
