I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
