How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
