I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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