Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're using joints as your birthday candles
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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