I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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