I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
