You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
