Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
