I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
