I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
