do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
