He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
