Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
