the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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