he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
