I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize