highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
