Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
