I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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