Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
