Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Success! We fucked roommates!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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