Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
