dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
