I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
