You made me cry and you don't even care
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
