like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
