1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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