if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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