Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
