Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
