I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
