It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
