tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
