god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
