yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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