I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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