i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you win again, gameday.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
