this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
