i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
