I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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