Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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