Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
