I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
