how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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