I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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