happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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