No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
