Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do vagina's smell?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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