I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
