it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are we still banned from the library?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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