i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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