Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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