Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
