i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
