Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
