Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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