i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
