how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
