He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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