she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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