I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Bring me that man meat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
